Why do I worry? Why do I plan? Why do I think I've got life figured out? If God has taught me anything this year, He has taught me to be patient. To wait on Him. To breathe.
He planned for me to go to graduate school. He planned for me to meet the most amazing adviser, who has become more like a good friend. He planned for me to slow down and learn what it is like to not always be insanely busy. And he planned for a certain amazing someone to walk into my life :-)
And looking at this year, I wonder why I even think I can begin to have things under control. Because if things had been left up to me...well, it scares me to think where I would be.
But dear friends, I had to become WILLING. I had to come to the point of "not my will, but yours." I had to lay everything at the bloodstained feet of my Best Friend, my Jesus. I had to trust that His ways are higher, better and incredible. If I had not been willing, had not wanted Him to take over, I would still be floating around...angry with myself. Angry with how I thought I could take over. Angry with the mess I'd created.
I cannot understand a love that looks down on the dirty, disgusting, selfish me. A love that washes away that nastiness with life-blood. A love that gave up everything for this horrible sin just so I could receive the beauty that lay in store. Its a love that doesn't make sense. And so I accept it, humbly, tearfully, gratefully.
Its a love that's just for me. And its a love that's just for you.
Its a beautiful love.
And its free.
Forever.
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