Crazy Love

I often wonder why God does what He does.  I know His ways are higher then my ways and His thoughts higher then mine.  Last week in Sunday School we talked about Nahum and how it paints a picture of God being a just God, a God who WILL punish sin.  We talked about how sometimes it seems sin is not being punished.  Sometimes we as finite humans decide to take matters of justice and punishment into our own hands.  And suddenly things get messy and now we have sin in our lives.  Sin that happened because we didn't trust God.

But my God is so infinite.  My life is such a small, minuscule event on His timeline.  I can have assurance that He will punish and He will show ultimate justice.  My job is to trust in Him and to share His love to everyone; even to those I deem unworthy of love.  Because who am I to judge?  Everyone is worthy of love, and God is the ultimate lover.

Sometimes I wonder why people are blind to this truth.  Why is it that people cannot see the unchanging, amazing, overflowing love of God?  Why do they search for love?  Why do they try to find satisfaction in boyfriend, after boyfriend, after boyfriend (or girlfriend)?  They see men (or women) as their ultimate satisfaction.  Everyone has a longing for love (which is a longing only God can fill), and instead of searching for God to fill the longing they "fill" it in people.  And it is a sad fact that people will often give up anything and everything to that person just for the "security and love" they get (in quote marks because that is NOT what they get).

Here's the deal: "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:14-15

It is OUR JOB! As a Christian we MUST spread Christ's love.  We cannot sit back and be lukewarm and judgmental!  Doing so to those who do not know, those who have not heard, it becomes a sin in our lives!

So dear friends, I guess what I'm trying to say is this: when you see someone involved in a lifestyle you do not approve of, you do not appreciate, or you even deem as dangerous and harmful...stop judging and start loving! God is the ultimate judge and His justice will be served.  But the impact to change lives comes from loving with the love of Jesus. With a radical, overflowing, crazy love.  And in the end...that is all that matters.

Much love <3  

Lessons from my puppy

My puppy Bella is a very persistent dog.  She has this toy we call her egg.  Bella can run after this egg for hours; she never gets tired.  She runs her day based on playing with this toy.  Every day before lunch, after lunch, at about 4:00, and after dinner she sits at the cabinet where the egg is kept.  And if we don't come over to play right away she will come up to us (whoever seems to be the best pick to throw it for her..usually Daddy) and will sit next to us and paw....and paw...and paw.  Then when we finally get up and ask her if she wants to play she gets sooo excited and starts jumping around.  But Bella refuses to give up until someone plays with her.  So here are some lessons that can be learned from this in applying them to our Christian life.

Persistance
Eager anticipatation
Taking initative
Faith
Unyielding hope
Going the extra mile to get something
Patience
Joy
Excitement
Stick-to-it-ness


And...I'll add to the list: never underestimate the power of a cute face and big blue eyes. Oh...and find a workout routine that you actually look forward to and NEVER want to stop doing ;-)

Much Love <3

L. O. V. E.'s just a word I never learned to pronounce. (not really...that's from a song duh)

For your viewing pleasure, a note from Valentines Day last year.  I have included all comments.  The views and opinions of the author have not changed in a years time :-(

L. O. V. E.'s just a word I never learned to pronounce. (not really...that's from a song duh)

by Susanna Atkinson on Sunday, February 14, 2010 at 12:47am

Valentine's Day.

Those two words mean completely opposite things in basically two categories.

First Category: Those with a significant other (syn: disgustingly cute couples)
Description - For people in this category Valentine's Day is the time when in most cases, the guy is expected to show his love and care for his girl in some way. Many guys use the typical fallback of chocolate and flowers. Some grease those gears somewhere in their head and start the wheels turning to think of something crazy and exciting to surprise their girls with. Restaurants overflow with couples out to that special dinner. What I find amusing is walking into Dillon's at about 2:00pm and the flower section is entirely cleaned out and there are still men meandering around desperately trying to get a decent bouquet. People in this category know that on Valentine's Day someone very special is thinking about them and will do anything and everything they can to show how much they love and care for them.

Second Category: Those without a significant other (syn: Singles)
Description - People who fall into this category handle Valentine's Day in many different ways. Some deny that the day exists. They avoid Wal-Mart for weeks so as to not see all the candy, teddy bears and cards in flaming red, white and pink that scream out to them "YOU ARE SINGLE!" Then of course there are singles who all of a sudden decide that that cute guy at church or work is "the one" and become extremely friendly whenever he is around, just hoping that he MIGHT acknowledge they exist sometime before Valentine's Day, fall madly in love, and ask you out. These people are idiots. Other singles simply shut themselves in their house and cry their eyes out all day. Or they invite their best girlfriend over who is also single and they both sit around watching romantic chick flicks, eating chocolate and sharing a mutual understanding that life is unfair. *(However, some of these girls will watch movies like "New Moon" and decide that no one is better then Jacob. They will then spend the next 3 hours discussing everything about him from his abs to the hair gel he may use.)


Now at this point you may be saying to yourself "Susie, you are single. PLEASE don't tell me you do any of the aforementioned actions of singles." I don't so don't worry. :-) For me Valentine's Day is just another day. Its a day I've got to get through just like any other day. Besides, I've got the best Lover of all. Until He decides to bless me with an earthly Valentine, I am perfectly satisfied and content.  Not to say I don't want an earthly Valentine....but that's in bigger hands then mine. :-) **Note, I can't say this year I am "perfectly satisfied and content" because I'm not.  I am however, learning to TRUST in God's love and timing.**

I could go on about people on Valentine's Day cause it is actually extremely amusing. Especially those couples who got together just so they wouldn't have to spend this day single. Ya...never a good idea people. That's a disaster waiting to happen...just saying.

I have amused myself long enough. My sarcasm is starting to show.

For those of you wondering, I'll say it again: I'm happy with where I am in life right now. I just felt like being dramatic and hopefully entertaining to those who understand my sarcastic humor. You guys know who you are...you are few and far between.




I'll stop talking now.




P.S...um....don't suicide rates go up on Valentine's Day? Just saying....

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  • You made my day. AMEN to all the above!!!!
    

    
    
  • This note is great! lol And I will be going to Dillons and getting flowers and chocolates tomorrow afternoon! lol Really though if your in a relationship or engaged especially you should not need a reason on calendar to express love and app...reciation for your wife or fiancee. Every day should be that way and it can be something like giving a foot massage when your hands are tired. lol Or watching Dancing With Stars when you'd rather be playing Call of Duty. lol Yeah true love ain't in a holiday it's in the simple everyday stuff.See More
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  • oh... and did I mention that bunch of flowers wasn't even arranged? If you want roses arranged, thats 49.99
    
  • I couldn't agree more. I think you have just nailed down one of the reasons suicide rates go up. Its called being broke lol
    

A child in awe of Him

Well friends, it has been a while since I updated you on my life.  As I have reflected in the past month on 2010 I have come to the realization that God decided to use 2010 as a year to prove His glory to me.  This was seen in many ways, now that I stop to think about it.  First, I graduated, and with graduation I left a community of 4 years and ventured out into the world ;-) Sounds great! Uh, no.  Leaving the community, the fellowship, the closeness of Friends University was/is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with.  No longer do I walk down a hall and see a friend, get a hug.  And God use this to reveal His glory.  He took away how I identify myself in other people, how I cling to them for assurance.  He chose to show me that all I really need is Him.

Then there is the ever present dissatisfaction of being single.  Recently I was reading through my journal from the past two years.  I had to laugh at myself as I read that this restlessness was still present two years ago, but at that time I was convinced Prince Charming was right down the road.  Well, two years later he is still non-existent!  But God has slowly been melting this stubborn heart, and showing me that when I am so wrapped up in not having someone and trying to figure it all out, I am not trusting in His plan!  It is like I say I am going to give it all to God...except this one thing.  Because if I place my dream of Prince Charming into His hands I may not get one! Now, that is a ridiculous thought because seriously, if I place Prince Charming into God's hands God's plan for him and me will be incredibly better then if I had done the planning! You would not believe how many times I have hit myself in the head trying to get that truth pounded in!

I have been reading through the Old Testament, and currently I am in Joshua.  The first thing I have noticed is that when the Israelites tried to figure out things on their own nothing went right for them.  Battles were lost, lives were lost, time was lost.  But when they decided to trust in God's plan He delivered cities, kings and peoples into their hands.  And if there is an overriding theme for the book of Joshua it is to "be strong and courageous!"  God is fighting my battles, so why on earth am I trying to take the sword from His hands?

Who am I really though?  In the grand beauty of this universe I am a non-existent dot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpChZxPfa-c.  But, the God who created that majesty LOVES ME and He LOVES YOU!

So I watch that video and I am awestruck by God's love.  He loves me so much that His thoughts of me are like the grains of sand on the sea.  The God who created the UNIVERSE! And even more amazing is that He thinks of every being, every human THAT MUCH! Are you speechless with wonder yet?  How can this little selfish, nothing in my terms human be that loved?  I have no idea, but this little invisible dot has my name on God's hands and He is constantly thinking about me and planning my life.  So...I throw a fit and have an issue with this why....?

Much <3

Ramblings of a stressed grad student

I feel like I'm at a very interesting point in my life.  I know I've been called to grad school and that is where God wants me, but I feel like it is some kind of holding zone.  Like something bigger is coming that I need to be ready for and I don't know what it is.  And that worries me.  Cause I always have had a plan before.  My grand plan upon graduating from undergrad was to get married and start a family.  Well, that obviously didn't happen so God sent me to grad school.  Ok, well now I don't have a plan for after grad school.  I mean, I really want to get married and start a family, but what if that's not in God's plan?  Let us hope it is cause that's another thing I've been struggling with lately.  Hold that thought.  Back to school...I just don't know what is going to happen in a year and a half.  I want to teach.  I never feel so satisfied, so happy, as when I'm teaching kids music, or when I'm with my beautiful children with special needs.  That is my thing, my joy.  Its almost like its being with held from me right now, and that is frustrating.

And then there is the whole deal about finding a guy.  No, I don't want to find him, I want him to find me.  But what if he never does?  What if he doesn't exist?  I'm at this stage where everyone around me is getting married, and now starting to have babies.  Don't get me wrong, I love them all and am soo happy for them.  I'm just sick of seeing happy "I have the best husband ever" posts on facebook.  Selfish of me yes.  But true nonetheless.  I just wonder if there is someone out there for me.  It makes me wonder what the wait is.  Am I not ready or is he not ready?  I feel like I'm ready...but maybe I'm not?  And what constitutes what "ready" is?  I know I'm picky.  I know that's good.  But where is the one who is just as picky?  Where is the one willing to put up with my quirks and embrace my ambitions?  So there is that overriding issue.  God is teaching me patience....still...and probably always.

Of course it seems to me that everything that I identify myself in is changing.  I don't play my oboe with the same skill level that I used to.  I know this has changed over time.  My peak performance level was in late highschool/early college.  Now I would rather teach then perform.  Sure I love the occasional gig on the side, but I'm at the point where I'm set as a professional musician and how I am now after 13 years of playing is how I'm going to be and nothing is going to change that.  Cause like most things in my life, I tend to be a stubborn musician...big surprise I know :-)  To be honest I have never felt more discouraged as a musician as I have this semester.  It makes me question my identity as a musician.

Then there is school.  I'm an A student.  I got one B in highschool, and one B in college.  I'm not a B student.  Yet, this semester is threatening to give me at least 2 B's....once grades come in I'll know for sure.  And I have worked soooo hard this semester to do well.  But it seems my best is B work?  Again...I've never been so frustrated about grades as I have this semester.  Grad school is not undergrad. 

So all this stuff has been pressing on me this semester.  A lot has happened.  I graduated, started at a new school with a new program.  My school family has dispersed and I never see them.  I don't fit in at grad school.  I don't have a family there, I'm just another person.  Sure people know me and like me, but I'm not one of them.  I'm not a family member there, just a student.  Like I said...its a holding zone.  I'm not teaching like I want to.  My musicianship is not were it used to be and I'm being pushed and pulled in directions I don't want to go.  Something tells me God is trying to teach me something.  Maybe something like "not your will but mine," or "don't place your identity in anything but me," or maybe "wait, for my timing is best." 

Does everyone go through this stage?  The people who get married straight out of college don't.  I envy you.  But then I wouldn't learn what God has to teach me if I had.  He is always right. 

Thanks for reading my rambling.  Comment if you want.  Prayers are always appreciated.

Much love <3

I have been changed...for good

(Elphaba) I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda) I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda) Because I knew you

(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for

(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both) Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda) And because I knew you...

(Elphaba) Because I knew you...

(Both) Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Held in His hands

Why do I worry?  Why do I plan?  Why do I think I've got life figured out?  If God has taught me anything this year, He has taught me to be patient.  To wait on Him.  To breathe.

He planned for me to go to graduate school.  He planned for me to meet the most amazing adviser, who has become more like a good friend.  He planned for me to slow down and learn what it is like to not always be insanely busy.  And he planned for a certain amazing someone to walk into my life :-)

And looking at this year, I wonder why I even think I can begin to have things under control.  Because if things had been left up to me...well, it scares me to think where I would be.

But dear friends, I had to become WILLING.  I had to come to the point of "not my will, but yours."  I had to lay everything at the bloodstained feet of my Best Friend, my Jesus.  I had to trust that His ways are higher, better and incredible.  If I had not been willing, had not wanted Him to take over, I would still be floating around...angry with myself.  Angry with how I thought I could take over.  Angry with the mess I'd created.

I cannot understand a love that looks down on the dirty, disgusting, selfish me.  A love that washes away that nastiness with life-blood.  A love that gave up everything for this horrible sin just so I could receive the beauty that lay in store.  Its a love that doesn't make sense.  And so I accept it, humbly, tearfully, gratefully.

Its a love that's just for me.  And its a love that's just for you. 

Its a beautiful love. 

And its free.

Forever.