Well friends, it has been a while since I updated you on my life. As I have reflected in the past month on 2010 I have come to the realization that God decided to use 2010 as a year to prove His glory to me. This was seen in many ways, now that I stop to think about it. First, I graduated, and with graduation I left a community of 4 years and ventured out into the world ;-) Sounds great! Uh, no. Leaving the community, the fellowship, the closeness of Friends University was/is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. No longer do I walk down a hall and see a friend, get a hug. And God use this to reveal His glory. He took away how I identify myself in other people, how I cling to them for assurance. He chose to show me that all I really need is Him.
Then there is the ever present dissatisfaction of being single. Recently I was reading through my journal from the past two years. I had to laugh at myself as I read that this restlessness was still present two years ago, but at that time I was convinced Prince Charming was right down the road. Well, two years later he is still non-existent! But God has slowly been melting this stubborn heart, and showing me that when I am so wrapped up in not having someone and trying to figure it all out, I am not trusting in His plan! It is like I say I am going to give it all to God...except this one thing. Because if I place my dream of Prince Charming into His hands I may not get one! Now, that is a ridiculous thought because seriously, if I place Prince Charming into God's hands God's plan for him and me will be incredibly better then if I had done the planning! You would not believe how many times I have hit myself in the head trying to get that truth pounded in!
I have been reading through the Old Testament, and currently I am in Joshua. The first thing I have noticed is that when the Israelites tried to figure out things on their own nothing went right for them. Battles were lost, lives were lost, time was lost. But when they decided to trust in God's plan He delivered cities, kings and peoples into their hands. And if there is an overriding theme for the book of Joshua it is to "be strong and courageous!" God is fighting my battles, so why on earth am I trying to take the sword from His hands?
Who am I really though? In the grand beauty of this universe I am a non-existent dot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpChZxPfa-c. But, the God who created that majesty LOVES ME and He LOVES YOU!
So I watch that video and I am awestruck by God's love. He loves me so much that His thoughts of me are like the grains of sand on the sea. The God who created the UNIVERSE! And even more amazing is that He thinks of every being, every human THAT MUCH! Are you speechless with wonder yet? How can this little selfish, nothing in my terms human be that loved? I have no idea, but this little invisible dot has my name on God's hands and He is constantly thinking about me and planning my life. So...I throw a fit and have an issue with this why....?
Much <3
